We all have periods in our lives when we’re sad, when we feel like we’re stuck in a rut, or just don’t know what to do. And that’s OK. There are also times where people we know are sad themselves or struggling. We feel like we want to help them, provide some solutions or relate to them in order to offer advice best suited for the situation.

However, our experiences don’t always carry over to other people’s. What you perceive as an attempt to help can have the opposite effect on someone, especially when this language is used against mentally ill individuals.

There are over 200 different kinds of mental illness from well-known depression to the lesser explored Bipolar Disorder, and people who suffer from these are classified as mentally ill. Those unaffected are called neurotypical, which is to say their mind functions as it properly should—no chemical imbalances, no triggers, no compulsions, just a healthy brain.

As someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder, having people tell me to just “stop being anxious” on a regular basis is infuriating and as fruitless as telling someone with a broken leg to walk it off.

The levels of ridiculousness skyrocket when you tell someone with depression that they’ll feel better if they eat kale. If the cure for depression was hidden in kale and yoga, that damn leaf would be endangered by now and half the population would be sporting yoga pants on a daily basis.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a sweet gesture to want to cure our mental illnesses with just a few simple words, but not only is it ineffective, it also displays a lack of understanding towards those receiving said “advice”.

It isn’t the job of the mentally ill to educate the public either. The fact that you don’t understand our situations isn’t bad—we totally get it. Mental illness is downplayed in everyday life, so no one takes it seriously enough to learn about it unless it’s part of their major. But if you know someone who has a mental illness, and you probably do, it really does help to google how to help them in certain situations – whether it be while they’re dissociating, while they’re having an anxiety attack or while they’re having a manic episode. And if you don’t know what any of these are, you should probably google them. 

Not only that, but educating yourself on these illnesses can help you spot negative portrayals of them or help you point out harmful neurotypical ideals in everyday life. When films like “Split” and TV shows like “13 Reasons Why” use mental illness as a plot device rather than a narrative, it’s a means of making the story move along and reflects poorly on the mentally ill community.

In short, we in the mentally ill community know you are trying. We know you care and that that’s why you’re trying to help us by offering advice. But the fact of the matter is if you’re neurotypical, you don’t know the struggles we go through or how to deal with them. We understand that you’re trying your best, but you just need to learn how give us proper help.