Wacky family movie takes Christmas cheer to the final frontier
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To prepare for the upcoming holiday season, I binge-watched as many Christmas movies as I possibly could. I expected to find movies about holiday romances (“Love Actually”), precious childhood tales (“Frosty the Snowman”), and comedies that put a new spin onto the phrase “deck the halls” (“Elf”). What I did not expect to find was Christmas reaching an entirely different planet: Mars.
“Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” is a 1964 science fiction film directed by Nicholas Webster. This movie was a favorite for children and adults during the years that followed its release, but later was listed as one of the 50 worst films of all time by the Medved brothers.
The film opens with Martian children, Bomar and Girmar, who are obsessed with television shows about Santa Claus. Their addictive behavior begins to worry their parents, ultimately causing their father, Kimar (leader of the Martians), to convene with Chochem, an 800-year-old Martian who strangely resembles Gandalf the Grey—staff and all.
The Gandalf lookalike instructs Kimar to kidnap Santa Claus and bring him to Mars. A logical plan. Kimar along with the rest of the Martian council promptly flies to Earth and kidnaps Billy and Betty—two siblings that unknowingly instruct the Martians where to find Santa—and Mr. Claus himself.
The remainder of the movie consists of a robot named Torque, a fake polar bear, poorly-staged fights, counterfeit laughter and cringe-worthy scenes of a Martian ship traveling through space. Granted, this movie was made in the ’60s—a time that did not exactly excel in special effects.
Although the plot lacked development in some parts, the script never let the audience down. Hands down greatest line in this movie was, “What’s soft and round and you put it on a stick and you toast it in a fire, and it’s green?” Answer: “A Martian-mellow.” In other words, pure genius, and I just spent a solid five minutes laughing at the stupid simplicity of this joke.
In the end, Santa successfully brings happiness to the children of Mars and Christmas spirit to all Martians. He is allowed to return to Earth with Billy and Betty. How they get back, I have no idea, but he makes it back in time to make his annual Christmas Eve rounds.
Overall, this creative and laugh-worthy Santa Claus tale, albeit slightly ridiculous at times, did a wonderful job of getting me into the Christmas spirit.