Last month, North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-un made local news when pictures surfaced that apparently indicated Un’s intention to strike Austin. After the news about Austin broke, Twitter users immediately began speculate why Un would pick Austin. Users shared their speculation, which was usually silly, using the hashtag “whyaustin.”

Local news outlets like The Austin Chronicle jumped on board, publishing their own lists of possible answers to the question, “Why Austin?” The Austin American-Statesman even posted a list on one of its blogs.

Twitter, Tumblr and various news outlets covered most of the reasons Un would want to obliterate Austin: trouble getting into shows at SXSW, the plastic bag ban, I-35 traffic, etc. But they forgot to mention some reasons that hit closer to home on the hilltop:

1. The only parking spot he could find was on the top level of the parking garage.

2. He was unable to locate the library on campus.

3. After being forced to park on the top level of the parking garage, he had to walk all the way to Fleck hall.

4. He paid $10 for lunch at Rags.

5. He spent 30 minutes connecting his laptop to the wi-fi network, only to be kicked off an hour later.

6. Someone lied and told him St. Edward’s had an “undefeated” football team.

7. He has a Capstone submission due tomorrow, and he has not even started it.

8. Someone yelled at him for walking on the seal.

9. Tuition went up. Again.

10. Every time he tells people he goes to school in Austin, they assume he goes to UT.

Most seem to agree that Austin is not really at risk of being attacked by North Korea. The supposed “attack plans” are probably just propaganda. If people were genuinely frightened by North Korea’s threats, they probably would not be making jokes about the supreme leader’s frustration after missing out on the Prince show at SXSW.

So, Hilltoppers can rest easy knowing that we are probably not at risk of attack. We are, on the other hand, at risk of getting yelled at for walking on the seal.