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According to the 1964 holiday film, “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians,” aliens from the Red Planet are exactly like earthlings, but with poorly painted green faces, green turtlenecks, and a green helmet that looks like a kindergarten art project.

Apparently, American English is spoken on Mars and their “food” consists of pills that look suspiciously like M&M’s in this children’s sci-fi film.

When the youth of Mars become very unhappy, the leader of the planet, Kimar (Leonard Hicks), takes it upon himself to help. He journeys to Earth to kidnap Santa Claus in hopes of bringing the joy of a materialistic holiday to Mars. Not all agree with Kimar though, including Voldar (Vincent Beck), the mustached Martian who prefers his children docile and hopeless.

With this movie comes action-packed thrills.

First, the children captured by the green men to lead them to Santa come across a terrifying polar bear; a polar bear that is in fact just a man on all fours wearing a white fuzzy suit and a bear mask.

Second, the children come face to face with the Martian’s secret weapon: a robot named Torg, who may or may not be an actor wearing a cardboard box spray painted silver with a metallic bucket on his head.

The acting is certainly notable, complete with obvious mess-ups and painfully awkward laughing scenes, as if the movie-makers couldn’t afford a second take on any shots. The main character, a young earthling named Billy, shocks the audience with his scathing insults, the best one being, “You won’t get away with this you, you, Martian!”

Santa Claus, played by John Call, is about as stereotypical as they come. Leave it to jolly ole St. Nick to be absolutely ignorant and naïve in every way possible.

With any action movie, fight scenes are a must, and “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” does not disappoint. Two Martians somehow battle to the death without ever actually touching each other. The climactic scene is a doozy that involves the children throwing toys at a particular grumpy Martian.

This movie is not without a cohesive theme, however. Director Nicholas Webster makes it very clear to the children of the ‘60s that Santa Claus and his bag of shiny new toys is the one and only key to a happy holiday.